he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
