We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
