im gay
i know
yea but for you.
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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