the new term for farting is butt boxing.
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
