Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
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