Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
