I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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