just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize