Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
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