Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Randomize
