Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
