I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
My liver just had a heart attack.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Randomize
