I'm going to jail i love you
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
