So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
