also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Randomize
