You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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