oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
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