where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
