Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
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