i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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