My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Randomize
