She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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