did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
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