im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
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