So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
