we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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