i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
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