I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
