I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Randomize
