my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
