Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(702): View more from Nevada

I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me

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(914): View more from New York

i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros

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(819): View more from Quebec

FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.

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(408): View more from California

It's chlamydia! Thank God!

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(703): View more from Virginia

I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.

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(403): View more from Alberta, CA

the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.

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(716): View more from New York

Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases

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(507): View more from Minnesota

I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...

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(502): View more from Kentucky

I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.

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