so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
