He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize
