i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
