1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
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