i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
