Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Dear god my vagina.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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