Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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