I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
