I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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