We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
