i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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