I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
