Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize