i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
