you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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