Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Randomize
