I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
