We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
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