it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
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