had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
