fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
