You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Randomize
