Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
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