This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
