So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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