Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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