Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
no you cant smoke seaweed
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
