i need an iv and a liver transplant
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
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