i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
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