his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
