Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
