this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Randomize
