We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
Randomize
