There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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