I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
