Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
