I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
