My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Randomize
